That sounds really bad, doesn’t it? But the fact is that lots of people are leaving the church, and they do have their reasons. Maybe we should have a look and see if we can figure out why? First, let me tell you why I left (and took my family with me). Then maybe you’d like to tell me your feelings; why you left, thought about it, why your friend/sister/neighbor told you he/she left, etc.
When I say “church,” I’m talking about an organization which occupies a special church building, has a pastor/leader who is most likely paid a salary, perhaps a youth pastor, music minister, or other volunteer or paid staff members, a board of elders, deacons, etc., prints programs, solicits funds, and advertises in the phone book and the newspaper’s religious section. That’s what we left. We didn’t leave the fellowship of the saints, the ekklesia.
My daughter and I were responsible for the children’s church and each of us taught a Sunday school class, she the youth and I the elementary grades. We enjoyed it and put a lot of effort into it. We attended the pot-luck dinners and other social opportunities, Wednesday night prayer meeting, etc., and invited people to our home. Some of them even came. We stepped in when help was needed, started a ministry helping elderly members with home repairs, and participated in a women’s bible study group. We never managed to become a part of the family. We’ve put forth a similar effort at other churches. After a while, you start to think you’re weird and unacceptable in some way, and you start to lose hope that you’ll ever find a place where you fit. Maybe if my husband had been more involved? But no, I don’t think it would have made a difference.
I was asked to lead a women’s bible study, and there were several ladies at the first meeting, one person besides the hostess at the second meeting, and then only the hostess and I and my daughter. I realized I had no idea how to do this, so I asked the pastor to hold a training class for small group leaders, and he seemed excited and said he would. Only it never happened. We were supposed to do some ministry with a nearby native American church in their children’s department. Never happened. Mission trip to South America? Never happened. There were many other things. After a while, you just get discouraged.
Next step? Books on how to lead a small group, and I can never buy just one book. By the time I’d finished reading two or three of them, I had begun to wonder why one needed the “big” church. We started reading about the church in China and some of Watchman Nee’s works and I actually went through a period of wishing we could go somewhere like China, despite the persecution, just so we could be part of a genuine expression of the body of Christ. And then . . . BING! It hit me . . . could there be house churches in the US? Surely there must be.
Someone on-line suggested I read Pagan Christianity by Frank Viola and George Barna. I’d 
heard of it, but the title put me off. Still . . . I ordered it. We read it together as a family. Somewhere about this time we stopped going to church. Despite all we had been doing, as far as I can tell, no one except a few elderly saints even noticed. It was a relief. I was glad not to have to explain. People in South Dakota are loathe to hurt one another’s feelings, and yet I knew if I were asked I’d have to tell the truth. But no one asked. No one cared. Okay. We were free, much more easily than I’d ever expected.
Pagan opened our eyes on so many matters. I was ready to be contentious, to argue and refute, but I couldn’t. The author was right. I could argue that some of his scenarios didn’t apply to us, only I knew they did apply to others. But this was just the unimportant stuff. In one chapter, he completely turned around my belief about tithing, in another, my ideas of hierarchical authority in the church, and on and on. I cannot tell you what a shock this was to find all my deeply held beliefs to be absolutely unscriptural and so easily deconstructed.
That’s the story of our leaving. But of course, leaving’s only half of it. People do just leave and wander alone, but that’s not God’s best. Leaving Egypt or Babylon is a good start; the trek through the wilderness is inevitable; but there needs to be a destination. More on that later.
So, what’s your story? I would love to hear it.
Blessings, Cindy
Wow. Thank you so much for that posting. My husband and I left “church” about two years ago after trying for so long to become a part of the family. Our story mirrors yours almost perfectly… after years of volunteering, trying to fit in and find a place to minister, and even (our personal spiritual “lowpoint”) almost begging the pastor to take some interest in our family, we left. Amazingly, nobody cared. But God has been faithful, and we have grown in Him more by searching Him out and questioning religion than we ever imagined possible. What freedom!
Hi, Chelise!
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m thrilled this was a blessing to you, and it’s nice to know one isn’t alone. I hope you’ve found some other saints to fellowship with. It can be hard . . . not an easy thing to find. We’re so blessed to have several other families dedicated to being built together into a body through which Jesus can express Himself in Rapid City. Imagine that! Something so hard to find should be found in SD of all places!
Love in Him, Cindy
Hey Cindy,
I love to follow your blog. I don’t post as often as I would like, but I have read every post since the 31DBBB days.
Like you and many others, I have a growing discontent for the state of affairs in Christianity in America. Also, like many others, I have had good experiences along with my bad experiences. Unfortunately, whether a gathering is 15 or 15,000, people are always people.
I too have read Pagan Christianity and found it to be a very thought provoking book. I found that I did not agree with all of the conclusions that Barna and Viola presented. At the conclusion of reading the book I felt as if there views were jaded by their bent towards house churches.
Even though I did not agree with all of their conclusions, I would recommend the book for everyone to read. Every world is thought provoking and does address many things that today’s Church needs to talk through and work through.
From my perspective I can see flaws with both the house church model and the traditional corporate structured church. Neither is perfect, but I do believe both can be God honoring. I have also seen people thrive spiritually in both settings.
Hey, Larry!
Thanks for your input — I’m impressed you’ve read PC. My “tight spot” is that I know, like you, that traditional churches have done a lot of good, introduced a lot of people to Jesus, and still do. I know God is still there –well, in many of them, at least, but there are certainly house churches where you’d have to look around to find Jesus, too. The way things are going, though, I’m not sure how long the TC model is even going to be viable. I wonder whether God’s doing a new/old thing and preparing us for changes ahead. But that’s more than I know.
Love you, Bro,
Cindy
OK Cindy, I’m gonna need your help on this. I don’t want you or any of your readers to think that I am being blasphemous when I write this.
When I refer to church, I am talking about the assembled body of Christ that meets in the building designated as the meeting point.
I think you are exactly right with how churches treat people these days. Here is what I wanted to say: I think the best church model (aside from Acts) is the local bar or pub.
Before anyone faints or quits reading, hear me out. A bar is a place where people go because they want to fellowship with others that share similar interests. They want to share their joys and their hardships. They want to be able to laugh and cry at the same time without the threat of judgment. They want to meet new people and hope to reconnect with an old friends (don’t read too much into that from a worldly point of view). I’ve never heard a person that frequents a bar often say, “I really don’t want to go to the bar tonight to hang out with my family that will all be there.”
They wake up thinking about it. They yearn for 5:00 and have conversations ready for discussion.
I think this is the kind of relationship that Christians want to have with others. I think that House Churches do a good job of this, but how can I as a pastor create the same type of atmosphere in a more traditional setting?
I think you’re right, Kevin. None of the bars I’ve ever been in, but I think of something like “Friends,” and yeah . . . I could see that. People are lonely and they (many of them) do want friends. They want real friends who will stick with them when things are hard, too. That’s not easy to find. It would be my guess that your cowboy church would be a place to find that kind of friends, but the churches I’ve gone to haven’t been that way. Not that folks are stand-offish. They’re just too busy.
Two of the couples in our church used to be part of a new church in the community, and the pastor wanted to split the church off into home churches and work himself out of a job. It didn’t work for them (well, my friends stayed with it, but of all those people, they were the only ones who lasted). They told me one of the big problems this pastor had was that whenever he showed up, everyone immediately looked to him for leadership.
It’s not easy being so very different. Not so much because we’re stressed out about being weird, but because it’s so extremely different that most folks just don’t know how to do it. We’ve had a helper with us for the last month and a half, mostly sharing about God’s heart and what He wants in His ekklesia. He’s been speaking every other week or so and giving us tips and ideas for planning different kinds of meetings. If you want to know more, e-mail me and I’ll be happy to share what he’s been doing. I’ll drop you a quick line to make sure you have my address.
Love in Him, Cindy
Loved hearing your story. We left in 2004 – because what we were reading in the Bible and what we saw in the church system started to seem like two different worlds. As we continued to seek in God’s Word about His will for us – it was by the instruction of His Word and prompting of the Holy Spirit that we left. It really wasn’t our decision – except only to follow what we heard God telling and teaching us.
So many think you will fall away because that is what the church tells you to keep you coming. But my relationship with God started to grow ten-fold when I left. I’m SO thankful I didn’t try to rationalize or justify – but just followed God’s voice and His truth. As for fellowship, God has provided real fellowship that has been truly fulfilling.
Rachel
You know, Rachel, once upon a time doing what you and your husband did would be really unusual, but now lots of people are following (I believe) the voice of the Holy Spirit in doing exactly what you did. Same thing happened with us. Once you have to go to God for your own food, you begin to get to know Him.
It’s kind of an awkward thing to say how I feel about this because I don’t want to hurt friends who are still in (and many of them pastors in) the traditional church setting, but on the other hand, I went to church faithfully everywhere I lived (and different flavors, too), and I’ve definitely grown more spiritually in the last couple of years than in all that time before. Yes, during those years a foundation of knowledge in scripture was being laid (mostly in my own personal studies) that I treasure now, but though I knew the word, I never felt that I knew the Word with any kind of intimacy. Nothing is as good as Him, and He’s worth far more than anything else we may have to leave behind to know Him.
Love you, Sis!
Cindy
Cindy,
I don’t think you should fear hurting anyone for sharing your experience with God, based upon the decisions that you have made. No one can take that away from you. God expects you to give testimony to the way He is working in your life and how.
My only word of caution is to not paint God in a box. The way that you and folks like Rachel have chosen to pursue God is not the only way. If it works for you then you should press into God with your whole heart in the way he is calling you to worship Him and fellowship with others, but just like I said above, I think God can be honored in both settings.
In one of the comments above I think you shared that in some house churches it would be hard to find Jesus. I think the reverse can be said for some corporate structured churches. Jesus is very alive and present and people are growing closer to Him and each other.
Again, I think there are huge problems with Christianity in America, but I think God will manifest himself in a variety of ways not just in the house church movement. I believe we will see God do things we can’t even imagine right now.
I am grateful that you are growing spiritually and feel such freedom. I pray that you continue to grow yourself and the Kingdom.
God Bless!
I agree that God can work wherever He wants to, Larry. And I respect and would love to meet you and Kevin sometime (If you’re ever in the area . . . ) I appreciate what you do. We also have several pastors (well, former pastors) in our group, which is a pretty high number, per-capita, all of whom we love and treasure. Were their years in IC wasted? Of course not! God certainly worked through them.
From my personal experience, however, I’ve never been able to find the community, the desire to pursue Jesus as a group, the friendship, the oneness that Jesus prayed for in any of the traditional churches I’ve been to. I’m not saying it isn’t there. The mere fact that I couldn’t find it only means that I couldn’t find it. But you are right to say that God can and does work through a variety of ways and settings.
Love in Him, Cindy